stupidly funny

we return again to frankly friday!
(random musings from the week)

1.  Let's talk spiders.  I found one in the trash can this week on Monday.  I found one on my sweater on Wednesday.  Freak out, Freak out!  They seem to flock to me like it's mating season.  Hello?  I'm never going to conquer my arachnophobia with all these eight-legged horror stories!  (How my mother ever thought I would enjoy the book Be Nice To Spiders as a child is simply beyond me.)

So, here's the deal ... Don't like 'em.  Don't want 'em.
Contrary to the book, I WILL NOT be nice to you.
Not at work.  Not at home.  Not anywhere.  No thank you.

A haiku for the spiders...

I hate you spiders

You will be hit with my shoe

Eight legs no more, die

I hope they all get my PSA (Public Spider Announcement) and decide to check in elsewhere before total annihilation.

2.  Speaking of childhood bookshelves...I also received a book called The Stupids for some holiday or birthday as a youngster.  Remember that book series and/or movie?  Yep, it was pretty stupid.

But, here's the thing ...

I wasn't ALLOWED to say stupid in my house.  Or crap.  Or dang.  Or butthead.  Or shut-up.

So my Momma got her Sharpie out and went to town.  She crossed out EVERY single stupid and wrote in funny.

It looked a lot like this:

       FUNNIES
The STUPIDS had a cat they named Dog.

I still think this is hysterical.  I'll have to thank my Mother for my twisted sense of humor.

3.  Speaking of family, I share my Netflix password with my sister.  Therefore, my Netflix has multiple personalities and does not REALLY know what I like.  Henceforth, it was suggested that I watch a Deadly Disaster Movie this week...   Huh?  You think I should watch Pierce Brosnan save a small town from a volcano this week?  Don't you know me at all?  It's like you WANT me to have nightmares!

Side Note:  Deadly Disaster movies get me so carried away that I end up worried that there will, in fact, be a tornado-hurricane-volcano-lightning-ebola outbreak-ice storm of the century in my backyard.

Let's just say that everything's fine and dandy until someone ends up dead in a hot spring.  May I ask one important question?  Why is there always a dog that might not make it out of the onslaught of lava?  I predictably end up in tears yelling at the movie...No, No!  Save the puppy!!  (Seriously, I look like I'm watching Intervention or a Hallmark commercial ... UGLY save the puppy cry.)
People?  Meh.  They can save themselves.  But the poor, sweet puppies?!?!?!  Ah!  Can't take it.

Somebody close my eyes and find me a box of tissues ... I'm about to change my Netflix password.

4.  PEACHES PEACHES PEACHES PEACHES PEACHES

Who decided it was a good idea to tell me it was National Peach Month?  You know how I feel about holidays.  Mandatory celebrating!  Obligatory Peach Peeling!  Repetitive singing of the late 90's hit ... Now, what was that song again?  Oh!  Peaches!!  Millions of Peaches!!

Whew.  Someone reign me in here.

I made some delightful ice cream this week with ... you guessed it!  Peaches!  I added some extra vanilla and vanilla beans and it turned out like a Peach Creamsicle.  Yum.

Peach Creamsicle Ice Cream

(Find the recipe HERE)

5.  The Boyfriend and I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to decide what Herbie the puppy should be for Halloween.  He snores JUST like a little piglet, which makes us want to give him a curly cue tail.  However, he is prissy and takes naps on the couch like a little fur ball kitty cat.
Decisions, decisions.
But yesterday I found this picture of a shark.
Oh.  My.  Goodness.
SHARK WEEK!!

We haven't bothered to ask the puppy what he wants to be.  Herbie totally thinks he is a tiger. 

 Until football season.  Then, NO TIGERS ALLOWED in the house!  Only Gamecocks.  

So, it will be totally cool if he's a shark for Halloween.  Right?  

6.  I will leave you with a final shocking fact.  My love bear has never seen Star Wars.

Seriously.

(That sound you just heard?  It was the collective gasp of nerds across the country.)

This fact has never been more evident than on Tuesday ... when he asked me, "Who is Carrie Fisher?"
Holy Moly.
The Force is not with you, my love.

(My Baking Assistant using her Jedi mind tricks to get more treats from me.  

This is also similar to her PET ME face...Hmmm.  Pet me now, you will.)

I hope that all of you have an anti-spider, stupidly funny, disaster free, peachy keen and force filled SHARK WEEK!

xoxo,

the unsolicited baker