where's my leotard? the olympics are here!

Here's an edition of my blog I'd like to call Frankly Friday.  A little of this...a little of that.


1.  THE OLYMPICS ARE HERE!  THE OLYMPICS ARE HERE!  THE OLYMPICS ARE HERE!

Cue the theme song!  Somebody find my patriotic leotard!
Wait... where's my red, white and blue track suit?

That's right people, you are reading the blog of an Olympic Summer Games Lover.  I've been watching the summer games since...well, forever.  I have actually HELD the OFFICIAL OLYMPIC TORCH.  Awesome huh?  (It was only for a second...but I'm pretty sure that's cool.  Thanks, Hot-lanta!)

I think they even considered me for the surprise torch carrier tonight.  

London Summer Olympics...just a bunch of a bunch of world peace in your face. 

Bela Karolyi here is wishing he was my coach...

I've been prancing to my new rhythmic gymnastics routine and expecting gold all around.  

2.  Was that me you saw in Target skipping down the school supplies aisle?  Yes, I think I got a little carried away while shopping for THE GREAT BOOKBAG STUFF-A-THON!  And, yes, I came up with that name myself.  It conveys the importance of giving to others...but also the sheer excitement of shopping for...

Highlighters!  Pencils!  Crayons!  Markers!  Post-Its!  Glue Sticks!  Rulers!  Bookbags!

Hello?  Nerd Alert!

...and then I started to wonder...do kids these days pack it one shoulder or two?

3.  Observation.  When I go to the grocery store and ask where the Madagascar Vanilla Beans are...I feel like a snob.  But I think it's okay, because a food snob is WAY better than a regular snob. 
Just sayin.

4.  I am ULTRA ready for fall.  Bring on the pumpkins, boots and cardis.  Enough of the million degree weather already!  My sister lives in the cool city of Pittsburgh ... where it was a balmy 60 degrees yesterday.  I'm sweatier than a cute man in prison...and don't even have the energy to hate her.

5.  Thank GOODNESS there are some good shows to watch on TV after the final rose.  I got super worried once the Bachelorette ended.  Jef and Emily are off to Africa and I'm at home...jealous...and watching Project Runway to get my mind off it.  Oh, and Bachelor Pad...but do they make hand sanitizer for your eyeballs?  Woah.

6.  The Boyfriend just called to tell me that he bought the fancy toilet paper just for me.  A few seconds later he asked me why I wasn't more excited.

I told him I was practically wooed off my feet.
Oh, baby.
Squishy toilet paper is definitely the key to my heart :)


Thanks for joining me for this week's Frankly Friday.
Go find your track suit and turn on the Olympics!!

xo,
the unsolicited baker

shut your pie hole

I really love the idea of Key Lime Pie.  It sounds refreshing and light...like my obsession with all things lemon.  But darn it if I just can't get myself into this dessert.  I've tried it a hundred times.  I made a valiant effort to eat it ... As a pie.  As a cookie.  As a martini (much better).  As an ice cream.  It SOUNDS so wonderful.  

BUT...

I'm going to call it quits.  I'm shutting this pie hole down.  I still don't like key lime pie.  I still think condensed sweetened milk smells like baby food.  For the love!  I can't have my ice cream smelling like Gerber.  Nope.  Get this stuff outta my freezer!  I've been singing with a Bieber Fever..."Baby, Baby, Baby...Nooooooooooo..."

BUT...

To all of you who just so happen to LOVE key lime pie...and all its baby food glory?  It apparently tastes pretty fabulous.  This ice cream is for you...and I will deliver it to your house shortly.  

Shut Your Pie Hole Key Lime Ice Cream

(Complete with Recipe Commentary...lucky you!)

1 1/2 Cups of Whole Milk (my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...)

1/2 Cup Bottled Key Lime Juice (didn't have any fancy schmancy key lime juice...so I used Sicilian lime juice...to me, it sounds just as pretentious)

1/2 Cup of Heavy Cream (totally digging this stuff)

Dash of Salt (still not sure if I know what a dash actually is)

1 (14 oz) Can of Sweetened Condensed Milk (eeew)

Key Lime Zest (from about four key limes...those suckers are teeny tiny and cute)

Neon Green Food Coloring (cause I didn't learn my lesson the last time)

2 Sheets of Graham Crackers (these?  I can get into)

_________

Combine everything (sans graham crackers) in a large bowl.  Whisk it baby.  Try not to ralph from the condensed milk.  

Pour into Fancy (your ice cream maker...always giving you the cold shoulder).  Freeze for 20 minutes.  Add graham cracker crumbs and freeze for 5 more minutes.

Enjoy (if you can).

For the record, I did not eat this bite.  

(Recipe "courtesy" of My Baking Addiction)

Sweetened Condensed Milk...or...The Blob?

You decide.

xo,

the unsolicited baker

(who still hates key lime pie)

it's getting hot in here...

I would like to announce that my workplace is the hottest store in town.  Literally.

Our thermostat read 82 degrees yesterday...any hotter and we'd be on the reunion tour with Nick Lachey.  It was like working in a tropical rain forest.  Sweatin' to the Oldies with Richard Simmons.  Roasting in the blistering sun in some desolate African desert...my sweat was sweating.


The heat even gave me a case of the dramatics (how rude!)

You might be half-crazed too if your sebaceous glands were pumping as much as ours.  We have been waiting (and waiting) for the coils to be replaced in our AC unit.  I have sent nasty grams and offered free hugs to maintenance team...but the approval process is taking longer than an act of Congress.

So, the only thing I could think of after work yesterday (other than a SHOWER), was ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!! I was channeling Eddie Murphy in his Ice Cream Man sketch.  I'm gonna eat it all....I'm gonna eat it alllllll....  Yep, thanks to the most AWESOME and FABULOUS people in my life, I am the proud new owner of a fancy ice cream maker!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How lucky am I?  I'm pretty sure there aren't enough exclamation points in the world to show you how excited I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know what you're thinking.  Oh.  My.  Gosh.  Your birthday wishes are coming true.  World Peace and One F Jef as the new Mr. Emily Maynard?  It's much too much.  (Pause.  Can I make a birthday month - wish amendment and ask for air conditioning?)

I decided to make an ultra refreshing Watermelon Sorbet.  But then I realized that I had to freeze the bowl of  my ice cream maker.  Total disappointment and DUH!  Hello, I'm not sure why I didn't do that earlier.  Note to self:  keep bowl in freezer at all times.

18 HOURS LATER

I jumped out of bed to make my sorbet this morning!  Fresh watermelon, limes and pineapple juice?  Check, check, check.  People, it was easier than your town ho' to make.  Pop the ingredients in a blender, pour into your (FROZEN) ice cream maker...and 30 minutes later you have dessert!  Limes and loveliness.  My sorbet was kind of slushy but it was dang delicious...and only 90 calories a serving.  I think it will probably firm up after a little nap in the freezer.  Take that, Ice Cream Man.

HOTTER THAN NICK LACHEY WATERMELON SORBET

2 Pounds of Fresh Watermelon (Cut into 1 inch chunks)

6 oz. Pineapple Juice (Chilled)

3/4 Cup Ginger Ale (Chilled)

1/3 Cup Fresh Lime Juice (3 Limes - ish?)

1/2  Cup Grenadine

Blend all ingredients until smooth.  Pour into your fancy ice cream maker and freeze for about 35 minutes.

(recipe courtesy of Giada)

I'm off to work.  To get drenched.  I am SO not doing my hair.

Here's hoping you stay CHILL today.
xo,
the unsolicited baker

pucker up

The Official Birthday Countdown has begun!  Only three more days until I am officially 28 years young...so I will share with you three things I found amusing this weekend...

1.  Friday was National Kissing Day!  You can imagine my excitement, given my affection for all things holiday.  I called my love muffin to give him the good news:

Me:  Guess What?!?!?!  It's National Kissing Day!

Boyfriend:  Oh...Cool.

Me:  Aren't you so excited?  My lip gloss is poppin' and I've practiced my smoochy face!!  Yay!!  Kissy, Kissy through the phone!!

Boyfriend:  Is this one of those made up holidays you like?  Are you just using me for extra smooches? ...What's next?  National Back Rub Day?  National Ice Cream Day?  

He was way more excited than he let on.  I mean, National Kissing Day sounds pretty darn good, right?  

2.  My Boyfriend owns the sweetest  little gremlin puppy named Herbie.  I love him very much...and I'm pretty sure he loves me too...since he's stopped chewing my shoes (how rude).  Poor little thing had an unfortunate knot on his ear and found himself fully shaved and skinny this weekend.  We thought he would enjoy the cool breeze and heat relief...but he's turned into one bad @$* mother-puppy.  Such strutting and maniacal preening that is seen only after a rather successful lizard chase in the backyard.  Sheesh.  It remains unclear whether he is insecure about his new do ... or if he will be leading the Puppies Revolution for Freedom from Fur. 

before

after (sad puppy)

3.  This weekend I was determined to redeem myself from eternal cookie baking misery.  Last Monday I tried to make some particularly festive 4th of July cookies...and failed miserably.  Let's just say that I will no longer be using patriotic food coloring while baking.  The shame, the shame.

I'm on this lemon kick right now and decided that a lemon cookie would be the perfect way to PUCKER up the weekend!  Lemon is such a bright, clean flavor and I just can't stop baking with it!  PLUS, it is also a great color to wear.  Please see the my favorite neon lemon skinny pants below... LOVE!  The boyfriend?  He is not such a fan.  He told me that one day they might end up missing.  Oh, no you didn't!  You can't pull the wool over my eyes.  Please, these pants are cotton and I will know that you took them silly.

(President of the United States of I'll Wear Neon If I Want To)

Back to these lemon cookies.  I had a little extra limoncello in the fridge from a super tart cupcake I made earlier this spring.  Ta Da!  A new recipe was born and I call it the Lemon Crunk Cookie.  Sassy and sweet, just like cookies were meant to be!  It is not recommended to eat several of these on an empty stomach.  Don't ask me how I know.

the lemon crunk cookie

 (the lemon crisp recipe courtesy of whisk kid

substitute limoncello for lemon juice in both the cookie and icing)

Actually, while I'm on the subject of cookies, I'd like to make another birthday wish.  Please, oh please, can I make a cookie in an actual circle?  It would be a birthday miracle.  Thank you, birthday fairies.

Here's hoping you have a wonderful, smooch - filled week!

xoxoxo,

the unsolicited baker

anchors away

Ahhh, the 4th of July. A spectacular holiday during an exceptionally fabulous month. I went to my closet this morning to don some of the old red, white and blue. Hmm. What to choose, what to choose?

Then it hit me.

Perhaps...just maybe...a sailor threw up in there? Oh dear.

Then I thought...is it really sooooooo bad that I could stylishly dress a naval fleet?

Yes, my charming jammies have sailboats. Yes, my dresses are horizontally adorable. Yes, my beach towel is adorned with a clever anchor print. Yes, I might change my middle name to maritime.

Obsession, you say?
Intervention, you wonder?

Please don't tell me to stop. Please tell me this is my calling. Please stripe me up and spangle me happy! If loving navy and white is wrong then I don't want to be right! Happy Birthday, America! Stars and STRIPES forever!!